The 80/20 Rule

 I’ve always loved this quote I heard in a movie, maybe you’ve watched it, no, not the Notebook! It's called – “Why did I get married?”.  It’s a Tyler Perry movie about 4 couples who are close friends that portray some very real trials and tribulations that lots of married (or not married) couples go through.  One particular scene, that has always stuck with me, was where one of the characters,  introduces the “80/20 Rule”, to the guys.

The 80/20 Rule, he explains, is… “in most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you need and you will hardly get the other 20% that you want in your relationship. There is always another person (man or woman) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you want, and believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship. But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you want But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you want and losing the 80% that you really need and already had.”

In the movie, the perfect example is with Sheila (Jill Scott) and Mike (Richard T. Jones).  Sheila is a beautiful, sensitive, strong, loving woman who is married to Mike, an arrogant, overly confident, womanizing, disrespectful jerk who ends up having an affair with another woman.  He tells his wife that she needs to lose weight for him to be attracted to her, he treats her horribly and she continues to try and save her marriage.  The woman he leaves her for is a younger, skinnier, woman who can’t cook, doesn’t clean, and only wants to spend his money.  Towards the end of the movie, Mike ends up seeing Sheila, after she’s happily RE-married, after she’s lost a ton of weight, and after she’s finally happy with someone else.  He admits to his friends that this new woman was his 20, and he obviously had made a huge mistake leaving his 80.  --ya think??

Granted it’s just a movie, but I’ve seen this happen so many times, whether it’s TV or real life, it happens – way more than it should.  The bible says that you are to marry ONE person, and with that person you will work thru any problems, any trials, anything that may arise between the two of you from the time you say “I do” to the time that you are no longer here on this earth.  This is a big pill to swollen.  It is a LIFETIME COMMITMENT.  To me, and this is all just my own personal opinion, but I believe you marry ONCE – I don’t believe in divorce unless it is absolutely the very last result and the relationship is no longer salvageable.  I understand sometimes people feel as though there is no other way, no better solution, no way around that dreaded “D” word, but in God’s eyes, if you live your life to be like Him, if you read His word, and you give your relationship the attention and nurturing that He tells us to, there should be no reason that the person you committed your entire life to should suddenly become someone you no longer want to spend it with. 



Obviously there are exceptions, there’s abuse, whether physical, emotional, or with a substance, and some people cannot be saved from that.  I don’t really believe people “fall out of love”.  Either they were never in love or the negative conflicts have outweighed the positive ones causing one or both parties to not be able to feel the love any longer.  This too, can be fixed.  It doesn't mean the love is gone, it just means its been clouded by negative things and it needs to be worked on, more than ever, to get that feeling back.  Relationships are hard.  Relationships take work – as long as both people are willing to put in the effort, they can be saved.  There will be struggles, there will be conflicts, there will be fights, forever.  You have to know in your heart, that you are both in it for the long run and aren’t going to make those conflicts all become negative.  Learn to be respectful, learn to TRY to understand eachother, and sometimes – agree to disagree, which is okay, by the way.  No two people on this earth, whether perfect for eachother or not, are going to agree 100% of the time.  Don’t let it ruin your most sacred relationship, your marriage.  Sometimes all you need is a new outlook, uncover those old memories, revisit past vacations, listen to your partner speak.  Really listen.  Show them you love them.  We only live once, make your love last.

Enjoy your weekend ~ in love!

Happy Friday :)

 

~Jess